It finally happened. I had enough courage to cough up ten bucks to see a movie I knew wasn’t going to be good. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.
“The Last Stand” had terribly shallow character development throughout. Whether that be the predictable romance between a deputy and her delinquent ex-boyfriend, or inconsequential villain characters. I don’t know what could have been done better to fix that, but the dialogue felt incredibly cliché to the point where it seemed everyone but Arnold was expendable.
The entire premise of the story was also flawed. A convict escapes a detainee transfer convoy and then takes a thousand horse power car to bolt for the Mexican border. The characters in the FBI try to justify the obvious plot holes by claiming they can’t scramble military force like a jet or something because presidential approval would take too long, and apparently the army of border patrol agents couldn’t move to position quick enough either. “The Last Stand” seems like an old western story transplanted into the future and suffers from the futuristic innovations.
The action sequences were suppose to compensate for the other elements of the movie, but even they were fairly lackluster. The “Nazi-killer” gat gun that was advertised to death in theaters was given use for maybe 15 seconds to take out two guys, and the poorly laid out storyboard for the action sequences was something that Sam Troz could beat. I did like the Thompson machine gun that Luis Guzman came blazing out with. But it is an action movie, so the only thing you are in the theater seat you are is to watch violence of any caliber.
If anything redeemed this movie, it was its’ cast members Luis Guzman and Johnny Knoxville that delivered enough humor to make the film tolerable, except for the Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger himself, who’s accent is still funny enough to make everything he says hilarious–“Next time don’t park in the fire zone..Schmuck!”–which is the last line of the movie and also my favorite.
“The Last Stand” is almost at the point where It’s possible the director is trolling the audience. Simple parts in the movie are funny because of how bad they are. It’s a movie that was created if only to showcase Arnold still being alive and delivering badass one liners like “I am the Sheriff”. The action sequences aren’t good enough to justify the poor story, and the best lines of movie were in advertisements. Don’t bother seeing it in theaters because you will revolt that you paid to watch it. Wait until it’s on Netflix in a few months, because it is precisely the random movie you would expect a bad chuckle from.
I give it a 5.3/10
Tyler Dalton was an accomplice in viewing this film.