Since Lord of the Rings is as much a part of Christmas tradition as Santa, I rewrote all 14 verses of the poem “Twas the Night Before Christmas” in iambic pentameter:

“Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Hobbiton, not a creature was stirring, not even a goblin.
The swords were hung in their sheaths with care,
In hopes that the dark lord Sauron would not return there.

The hobbits were nestled all snug in their holes, while visions of Old Tobey danced in their bowls.
And Bilbo in his mithril, and Gandalf in his hat, had just settled their minds to a long Shire nap.

When out on the hill there arose such a clatter. Frodo sprang from his bed to see what was the matter. Away to rivendell he traveled with the guys. Tore up the east road while followed by the Eye.

The Misty Mountains on the heels of fresh fallen snow, reflected the luster of the Ring to the Fellowship below. When what do their wondering eyes find, but dark horses bolting at them, and the Nine.

With a bright, shiny blade so light and quick, they knew at once that Sarumon played a trick. Saved often by the eagles whenever they came, When Gandalf whispered and whistled his name.

“Now Legolas, now Aragorn, now Gimli and Boromir! On merry, on pippin, on frodo and Sam! To the top of mount doom and over black gates! Now fly you fools, fly, fly away!”

As leaves that before the vile Smaug fly, when they meet an obstacle, they try going through the mines. So down through the depths of kazadum they crept. Without the company of Gandalf, they wept.

And then in a rush they heard on the anduin, and Aragorn can still only think about Arwen. As they rest in Amon hen, they nearly turned around. For the fellowship had broken, the oath which they were bound.

Boromir was dressed in Gondor clad, yet it proved too few, as his body was hit with arrows by the slew. A bundle of knives and a shield on his back. A pledge to Aragorn was to be his last.

The fellowship pressed on for pippin and Merry. Onward into Rohan and Fangorn, leery. Suddenly appeared Gandalf drawn with new robes. His beard and his cloak were both white as snow.

The stumps of treebeard guided the hobbits to safety. With them and then ents they flanked Sarumons army. Theoden held with kin at Helms Deep, while Eomer arrived with the Rohirim full steam.

Sauron was undeterred, and ready to strike. He sent forth his armies of darkness to fight. The great eye and witch king piled many dead. And soon bestowed Gondor’s garrison with dread.

Rohan came to fight in the battle of the age. And with a ghost army they won the day. Aragorn was ready to take up the crown. But not until they finally took Sauron down.

They marched to Mordor with a few men left, and drew out the orcs in a fight to the death. Frodo finally reached mount doom, where the ring was first hewn. The ring was destroyed along with Sauron’s blight. Middle Earth was saved and to all a good night.”